THIS IS STRICTLY FOR PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T EXPERIENCE FATHERHOOD

This is strictly for people who didn’t experience fatherhood.

My dad relocated 6 days ago.

While mourning him, I noticed I was experiencing an unusual flavour of grief.

A physical manifestation of a protracted emotional loss.

He was present but absent.

Had a stroke at age 35. Died at 72. So life didn’t furnish him with the privilege to father me like he should.

Thus, I was dealing with two losses.

The first is the loss of being present but absent.  The second is the final exit from my life after 37 years of nurture.

If you are nurturing a parent you aren’t connected to. I feel your pain. I understand the neurodivergent thoughts.

Life can be bewildering. Sweet and sour.

While at it, be human and preserve what it is to be human.

My distinct fatherhood experience shaped me into the god I have become.

I used my pain!

Brewed my distress.