The first 30 years of my life was filled with bitterness and un-forgiveness for my Dad.
I had grown up without a relationship with him. I was incredibly dispassionate about his existence. I hated the fact that he wasn’t involved in my life as a dad, I detested the fact that though I was calling him dad, he didn’t deserve the title.
My siblings tried talking me through it but I guess they never really understood my reality, my struggles and my pain.
I wasn’t ready to reconcile with him, after all, I felt if he loved me he would have been more intentional about our relationship.
Let me tell you a little about my handsome dad. He was a successful Veterinarian Doctor before he had a stroke at age 34, he has spent the last 37 years of his life battling with his health. I mean I was born two months after he had a stroke so I never had the privilege of seeing him hale and hearty.
Despite all these issues I felt he could have done a better job at parenting. Yes, he was partially ill. But he could still talk and raise his children.
My incredible turn around came when I had a meeting with myself. I simply said to myself that I can’t continue like this.
It was a tough battle for me but my process of healing started when I, first of all, acknowledged my pain, penned down all my feelings, identified the writings on my walls then decided to write a new story.
The most important story I wrote was acknowledging the fact that there was at least one thing I am grateful for, even though it looks small amongst other seemingly bigger particles.
My father taught me how to be thirsty. My father taught me how to be a person of depth and value. He used to buy me books when I was young and would give me a gift for every book I read. The gifts were what led me on till I outgrew them.
Everything I have become today is a result of that singular foundation. I probably would have been a clanging cymbal. That simple act of love has saved me, nurtured me and Moulded me into the woman I have become.
We have spent the last few years pretty well. His name still doesn’t turn me on. But it doesn’t turn me off too. We have a cordial relationship.
If you are struggling with forgiving your parent, this is a good time to be introspective.
Will you cross into the new year with this pain? Or will you rather work with a therapist on www.thementalhealthmall.com or buy the audio products titled “Writings on your wall” and the difference between your life story and the story of your life” on www.emotionscity.com/shop?
Please find something to be grateful for in the negative or disempowering feeling.
I love you.