I broke up with him last year.

I broke up with him last year.

One of my most painful 2019 moment was when I broke off a 19-year relationship.

Let me explain. He was the last soul I desired to meet at 17. I was also determined to extinguish his memories at College. But the more desperate I became, the more loving he was. I finally accepted his proposal.

Our commitment has been a blend of love, peace, silent treatments, familiarity and forgiveness. Last year was however the most embarrassing.

I starved him of my presence and attention.

I kept him waiting on our dates.

He competed with my intelligence.

Distraction thinned us out. Life kept attacking my allegiance.

I prayed. Studied. Fasted. Honored his words but it was not enough. I have capacity for more.

Oh, how I miss our strolls. Our endless conversations. How he tutored me on sex. Money. Love. Marriage. Parenting. Life.

I miss how he held me in his arms every night.

I miss those days I kept malice with him and told him I wasn’t in the mood to pray or fast, he should use my previous prayers.

I crave asking him about his monthly plans for my life.

I miss seeking his voice on everything.

I miss singing to him in beautiful spiritual languages.

One thing I am however determined to do this year is to inundate him with affection.

God works for me and I yearn to be a child again. Or why grow up when you can be a child of God.

God first. Intellect second.