I broke up with him last year.
One of my most painful 2019 moment was when I broke off a 19-year relationship.
Let me explain. He was the last soul I desired to meet at 17. I was also determined to extinguish his memories at College. But the more desperate I became, the more loving he was. I finally accepted his proposal.
Our commitment has been a blend of love, peace, silent treatments, familiarity and forgiveness. Last year was however the most embarrassing.
I starved him of my presence and attention.
I kept him waiting on our dates.
He competed with my intelligence.
Distraction thinned us out. Life kept attacking my allegiance.
I prayed. Studied. Fasted. Honored his words but it was not enough. I have capacity for more.
Oh, how I miss our strolls. Our endless conversations. How he tutored me on sex. Money. Love. Marriage. Parenting. Life.
I miss how he held me in his arms every night.
I miss those days I kept malice with him and told him I wasn’t in the mood to pray or fast, he should use my previous prayers.
I crave asking him about his monthly plans for my life.
I miss seeking his voice on everything.
I miss singing to him in beautiful spiritual languages.
One thing I am however determined to do this year is to inundate him with affection.
God works for me and I yearn to be a child again. Or why grow up when you can be a child of God.
God first. Intellect second.